Scott Paparcuri Live:
How Does This Affect Me?
J-E-T-S: Just End The Season. : Just End The Season.
Why do J-E-T-S fans spell the word JETS. To prove that he can. Typical
Jet fan: A 34 year old volunteer fireman lives with his parents. He
works at a deli while he is waiting for the results of the police
test. He drinks! ALOT! Drinking helps him cope with being him. And he
LOVES his J-E-T-S!
I give the Jet fan credit. He certainly is not a front runner. He is
loyal. He is passionate. He is also usually overweight, drunk and
angry. “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son” – Dean Wormer. But now the J-E-T-S are in the AFC Championship game. Uncharted territory. An incredible run. I give that team credit. But they must lose this week. And they will lose this week. Why? Because that’s what the J-E-T-S do. They lose. And no team is better at it. How does this affect me? Drunken J-E-T-S fans are everywhere. They are loud, sloppy, disruptive and a little scary. A few tips:
1) STAY INSIDE: The J-E-T-S fans are dangerous people to be around right now. They live to drink, co*cblock and fight proudly wearing their uncomfortably tight, autographed Wayne Chrebet jerseys. This week the J-E-T-S fan will be drinking Jack Daniels from his father’s liquor cabinet instead of his usual pint of Georgi. DANGER!
2) DRIVE SAFE: Right now there is a J-E-T-S fan driving drunk without a license in his mother’s car. Be careful out on the roads. Drunk driving arrests have quadrupled in Long Island over the past 3 weeks since the J-E-T-S began their improbable journey.
3) DISCOURAGE ELABORATE PLANS: The J-E-T-S fan is talking about flying to San Diego for the Super Bowl. In this economy? Who needs that kind of financial stress on a roofer’s salary?
4) PARK NEXT TO A SHOPPING CART: Many J-E-T-S fans are calling in sick to work this week.When the J-E-T-S fan doesn’t show up for work, it affects all of us. I have to walk 50 feet to get a shopping cart because “Sully” isn’t there to retrieve them.
5) WATCH YOUR HUSBAND: People who normally chill with the fam on a Sunday are now gathering together to watch the J-E-T-S. All it takes is one drunken J-E-T-S fan in the room and your husband is engulfing funnels of Meister Brau like “Frank the Tank” in Old School. Never Good! Domestic violence calls have risen 1000% in the Tri-State Area
over the past 22 days. J-E-T-S Just End The Season. PLEASE! If for no other reason than to shorten the lines for those of us who buy cold cuts at Stop and Shop.
Scott Paparcuri
Marge Simpson will be flashing her boobies and booty in the November issue of Playboy Magazine. If getting naked inside the magazine doesn’t sound crazy enough to you, Marge will even be on the cover of the magazine. The interview and three page pictorial will run in honor of The Simpson’s 20th anniversary.
Playboy
Perhaps you’re familiar with the work of FOX5 presenter Ernie Anastos. Maybe he does this all the time. Or just possibly, “keep fucking that chicken” is acceptable slang in New York City.
But judging by the reaction of his co-presenter, possibly not.
Hold Me Closer Tony Danza: is a phrase people use when true stupidity shows. This is also used in the words to an Elton John song “hold me closer tony danza” instead of “hold me closer tiny dancer” and now this phrase can be used to mock your friend’s true stupidity at any moment in time. After your friends say something stupid you just say “Oh my god, hold me closer tony danza”
Not quite Rickrolling from Rick Astley, but another interesting use of Celebrities from the past! Check out the getting Tony Danza’d on Urban Dictionary
