Scott Paparcuri Live:
How Does This Affect Me?
J-E-T-S: Just End The Season. : Just End The Season.
Why do J-E-T-S fans spell the word JETS. To prove that he can. Typical
Jet fan: A 34 year old volunteer fireman lives with his parents. He
works at a deli while he is waiting for the results of the police
test. He drinks! ALOT! Drinking helps him cope with being him. And he
LOVES his J-E-T-S!
I give the Jet fan credit. He certainly is not a front runner. He is
loyal. He is passionate. He is also usually overweight, drunk and
angry. “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son” – Dean Wormer. But now the J-E-T-S are in the AFC Championship game. Uncharted territory. An incredible run. I give that team credit. But they must lose this week. And they will lose this week. Why? Because that’s what the J-E-T-S do. They lose. And no team is better at it. How does this affect me? Drunken J-E-T-S fans are everywhere. They are loud, sloppy, disruptive and a little scary. A few tips:
1) STAY INSIDE: The J-E-T-S fans are dangerous people to be around right now. They live to drink, co*cblock and fight proudly wearing their uncomfortably tight, autographed Wayne Chrebet jerseys. This week the J-E-T-S fan will be drinking Jack Daniels from his father’s liquor cabinet instead of his usual pint of Georgi. DANGER!
2) DRIVE SAFE: Right now there is a J-E-T-S fan driving drunk without a license in his mother’s car. Be careful out on the roads. Drunk driving arrests have quadrupled in Long Island over the past 3 weeks since the J-E-T-S began their improbable journey.
3) DISCOURAGE ELABORATE PLANS: The J-E-T-S fan is talking about flying to San Diego for the Super Bowl. In this economy? Who needs that kind of financial stress on a roofer’s salary?
4) PARK NEXT TO A SHOPPING CART: Many J-E-T-S fans are calling in sick to work this week.When the J-E-T-S fan doesn’t show up for work, it affects all of us. I have to walk 50 feet to get a shopping cart because “Sully” isn’t there to retrieve them.
5) WATCH YOUR HUSBAND: People who normally chill with the fam on a Sunday are now gathering together to watch the J-E-T-S. All it takes is one drunken J-E-T-S fan in the room and your husband is engulfing funnels of Meister Brau like “Frank the Tank” in Old School. Never Good! Domestic violence calls have risen 1000% in the Tri-State Area
over the past 22 days. J-E-T-S Just End The Season. PLEASE! If for no other reason than to shorten the lines for those of us who buy cold cuts at Stop and Shop.
Scott Paparcuri
